"The finest food and pants blog on the web."

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Garlic Betrayal

I'm busy, you know
Work, drinks with clients, you know.
But I will make you a most marvelous stew
Of chicken and fresh garlic!
I eat the savory strew, alone, and it tastes good
But where are the bulbs of garlic?
Later you tell me you never used fresh garlic
But the dehydrated, powdered variety.

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

The Chronicles of Fresh Garlic

'Twas a bitter cold December eve in Times Square.  People were getting off work, heading home.  Others were going to shows.  I walked past a pizza parlour and did a double take: "now what do we have here!?"  It looked like an old-fashioned New York City pizza parlour! Various of various shapes and colors lined the window.  I entered.  There was a fresh-looking pepperoni pie, and I ordered a slice.  And there was a grandma pie, too.  What is that brownish-greenish substance that appears to top the pizza, I wondered.  Could it be?  Only one way to find out: I ordered a slice.  The pepperoni slice was fine -- a decent enough iteration of a New York slice.  Then the grandma slice arrived.  I closely inspected the brownish-green concoction that topped the sauce and cheese.  Certainly there were herbs interspersed within the substance, but what was the bulk of this substance?  My instincts were correct: the pizza was drenched in fresh garlic!  Never have I seen so much chopped, fresh garlic on top of a pizza!  Perhaps there were some breadcrumbs, adding the brownish hue, but mostly garlic pervaded. I took a bite and my eyes rolled back into my head -- I was in fresh garlic heaven.*

West 46th Street
*In all honesty, the grandma slice had way too much garlic  - I don't recommend it

Monday, December 3, 2018

Poetry Corner


There is a 7/11 across the street.
They sell stroopwafels.
I imagine going
And buying 20 stroowafels
And eating all of the stroopwafels
Perhaps a tea or latte to go with them?

Sunday, December 2, 2018

The Thrill of Fresh Juice

Sometimes do you get down in the dumps?  You want to smile but you just can't!  Well I have the perfect remedy:  get thee to a juicery!  Sometimes the act of stepping out of your shitty, overpriced Manhattan apartment and walking to a local juiceria or pressery is enough to get you back on track!  But if that's not enough, once you enter a local juice house, the fresh aromas are enough to help even the deepest melancholia!  A green juice, perhaps with some citrus,  perhaps some mango?  Give me the thrill of the juice and I'm a new man.

Friday, November 30, 2018

Traditional Beef Dinner

It was a bit cold and damp, and I had spent Sunday in my study considering the mind-beef problem.  A perfect night to go to the local chophouse, no?  Yes!  I called Billford, my executive assistant and companion, and asked him to meet me at the local chophouse.  Fast forward a couple of hours, and there I am with Billford at our usual cozy corner booth, plush red leather, oak panels, warm lighting, chophouse fumes wafting. 

"What will it be tonight?" I ask Billford.  "Well, I do believe tonight would be an excellent night for a filet mignon in a pepper sauce!" says Billford.  "Ah, my good man, you really do surprise me. Just moments ago you said you were jonesing for the most flavorful beef you can imagine! Did you not say that?" said I.  "Why indeed I did!  What of it?" Billford gurgitated.  "Well, dear heart, a porterhouse or ribeye has MUCH more flavor than a filet.  If you're looking for a tender beef, then by all means proceed with a filet.  But you have twice affirmed your interest in FLAVOR, and if you speak the true state of your desire, you must not order the filet and instead go with a cut with much more marbling."  Billford sat astonished and then spoke: "My dear fellow!  You are quite right!"

The beef was ordered (porterhouse for two), as were sides galore.  Shrimp cocktail? Check.  Wedge salad?  Check.  Thick cut bacon of course.  Potatoes au gratin AND house cut fries?  You better believe it.  And, it goes without saying, extra fresh garlic for the table!  We sat in heaven, spreading garlic over the food and our faces, ravenously attacking the beef and carbs.  At one point I lost control and started screaming "garlic! garlic!"

Eventually I returned to my senses, but not for long. I came out of my garlic delirium to quickly find myself in a creme conundrum.   Billford had ordered us hot fudge ice cream sundaes with fresh schlaag, and who am I to abstain from freshly whipped creme, even in the condition I was in?  The vanilla ice cream and hot fudge blended together in a cacophony of bliss.  Sliced, toasted almonds added crunch and delicate flavor, and, and, of course there was the fresh creme, blanketing the sundae pleasures in its rich, velvety bosom.  The last thing I remember that night is slipping into a peaceful, deep sleep.  Yet the aroma of beef and fresh garlic was there.

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Traditional Beef Dinner

Oh help me I need some beef!  I shall go to my local chophouse for a traditional beef dinner!  A porterhouse?  An unctuous ribeye?  One of those, most likely.  Perhaps a simple preparation, broiled with salt and pepper?  Once the beef arrives at the table, shall I rub roasted garlic all over the meat?  The pungent, bulbous garlic melts over the tender, charred flesh.  I partake of a bite of beef: the unctuous, rich, mineral taste pervades and the beef melts in my mouth.  But wait!  Perhaps I'd rather have the beef cooked in a cast iron with bulbs of fresh garlic? In other words, perhaps I would like the garlic involved in the preparation and basting of the beef, rather than as a post-production condiment?  I don't know, but William, my waiter, will steer me in the right direction, no doubt.  I'll order my beef with the house potatoes -- hashed, browned in duck fat, served with pickled pepper relish.  But wait -- do I want the hangar steak?

The Grill

Thursday, November 15, 2018

Pleasures of the Pie

Went to two tavern style pizza houses this weekend: Lynwood, Cafe in Canton, Mass. and Colony Grill in Stamford, CT.  Both great.  Perhaps I like Colony Grill more?  Yes I do like it more.  The pizza with hot oil and onions is REALLY GREAT.