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Saturday, July 31, 2021

Allah's Ancient Breads

 I had just returned from the Levant, where I was working a job.  You know, a job.  There was much I didn't miss from that land, but I did miss the breads...and the oils.  

While I was in the Levant I met Abadezikah, who descends from a long line of bread artisans who know the ancient ways.  Heck, his descendants created the ancient ways!

Once, we were sitting in the desert as the sun was going down, and our dry, sunburnt faces felt the cool breeze.

"Tell me Abadezikah of the ancient oils."

"Ah yes, my friend, Allah bless you, the oils are mixed with earthy vegetables, garlic, and the seasonings...may Allah protect the seasonings!"

"Oh, I see. And the breads, how did your people learn the Way of the Breads?"

"All comes from Allah. Allah wanted us to enjoy the oils and knew we needed a vehicle, a sponge, for the oils.  When I was a boy the elders entered into trance states and the spirits of our ancestors showed them how to make breads how Allah intended.  The elders taught me how to make the breads, but they didn't teach me the way to commune with our departed ancestors, so sometimes I wonder if I really am making the breads the way Allah intended. What if the elders didn't teach me correctly, or I didn't learn properly?"

At that I shivered.  Were the breads not prepared the way Allah intended?  Had there been a breakdown in communication?  Why hadn't the elders taught Abadezikah the way to commune with his ancestors?  The breads...and oils...made by Abadezikah were incredible, but were they not the true ancient breads...and oils?

I thought these things as I walked through New York.  Then I saw a cozy little restaurant called Shukette and I could smell things I liked, things I wanted.  I went inside and got a table.  A waiter came to me and spoke.

"Welcome to Shukette!  Sparkling, still or tap?"

"Just give me water for christ's sake!"

I looked over the menu and saw all manner of small plates and breads...and oils.  The waiter returned with my water.

"Let me tell you about our Levantine bread program!"

"You idiot!  Just give me all your breads and all your...oils."

The food was incredible, even better than that of Abadezikah!  Had this restaurant in New York somehow made contact with the ancient ones who learned to make bread from Allah himself?

The end.