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Saturday, December 13, 2014

The Chronicles of Tenders

Do we know why we're here on this silly planet, spinning through space?  No we sure don't, but I'll be damned if that's going to stop me from enjoying some delicious chicken tenders.  My go-to for tenders?  Popeye's, of course.  So it was with great excitement that I recently learned of a new tender option: the spice box chicken.  It's Popeye's delicious all-white meat tenders, succulent and moist chicken, battered and fried to perfection, but with a new, unique blend of 12 spices.  Well bust my pickle and call me Brottigan, but that sounds great.  The problem: they're always out of them.  Yesterday I presented myself at my local Popeye's and demanded the spice box chicken tenders.

"Give me the damned spice box chicken tenders," I said.

"Sir, I'm sorry, but we're out of the spice mixture.  We'll have them next week."

"Oh god damn it!  That's what you said last week.  Give me the tenders, I say!"

"Sir."

"Let me speak with your manager," I said.

The manager appeared.

"Give me the damned spice box chicken tenders," I said.

"Sir, I'm sorry, but we're out of the spice mixture.  We'll have them next week."

"Oh god damn it!  That's what you said last week.  Give me the tenders, I say!"

"Sir."

A deep feeling of disappointment and anger came over me, the likes of which I had never felt.  Then I ordered the regular chicken tenders and was on my way.