"The finest food and pants blog on the web."

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Christmas Train Mystery - Part 1

Oh now!  I was sitting in the business class car on the Amtrak train heading to New York from Pittsburgh on Christmas Day.  It took not long to leave the old industrial buildings and smokestacks of Pittsburgh behind and soon we were moving at a brisk pace into the snowy white hills of Pennsylvania. Fresh flakes were falling from the sky.

Jesus I was drinking my coffee, which was not an amazing cup of joe, but it was coffee nonetheless, warm and rich.  I was inhaling the java fumes and watching the snow when I heard a scream.  A woman was shaking her travel companion violently and shouting his name.  "Luther! Luther! Oh Luther!"

There were about 12 of us in the business class car, and a few of us approached.

"Luther! Luther! Please wake up!"

The woman was in her 40s and wearing a delightful Christmas turtleneck.  She had fluffy, curly blond hair.  The man was wearing a matching Christmas turtleneck and indeed he was not moving and looked very much dead.

A conductor entered the scene.  "Sweet mother of baby jesus god" he said.  The woman was wailing, and I was forced to slap her a few times.  "Woman, pull yourself together!" I said.  The conductor said we must stop at the next station and allow the medics and police to do their jobs.

At that moment a man in a dark trench coat, smoking a pipe, made his presence known.  "Conductor, you will do no such thing!" the man said.  The conductor seemed confused.  "If we are ever to catch the person responsible for this murder," the train must not be stopped.

The crowd of business class passengers seemed startled.  "And how do you know this man has been murdered," I asked the piped one.  We awaited his response.

To be continued.