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Tuesday, December 24, 2013

The Pants of Pittsburgh

Riding into Pittsburgh from the east one notices the sky becomes grayer, the browns from the barren trees and bushes browner, and the pants worser.

Sitting in a Primanti Brother's sandwich shop on East Carson, my urbane and well-dressed friend remarked "wow, these people are dressed terribly."  And one would be hard pressed to argue.  The number of horrible, bulky jackets people are trying to pass off as fashionable; the wretched sweaters and jacket vests that so many middle-aged women (including my mom) tend to wear; the leather booties and what not; the horrifically patterned "dress shirts"; the "going out" look of the young men in their shiny shoes and white dress shirts with popped collars; it's really just abysmal.

And of course, Pittsburgh can likely lay claim to the highest proportion of awful pants in the country.  The fits - for men and women - are just atrocious.  Horrible relaxed fit denims in embarrassing colors and fabrics, and boxy, too-short Dockers in unpleasing browns fill the landscape.  People are tubby, fleshy, white and look just awful in their pants and vomit-inducing haircuts.