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Friday, October 25, 2013

The Department of Pants

I am a student of the Civil War.  I read great histories of the war.  I study battlefield maps and then visit the battlefields, wandering the great hallowed grounds, feeling out the nooks and crannies.  I pour over the memoirs of the participants, and I soak in their words and thoughts on pants.

There was a Confederate artillery commander named Edward Porter Alexander who wrote one of the revered chronicles of the conflict, "Fighting for the Confederacy."  In it, Alexander discusses a pant incident in which his trousers are torn by a bullet.  Later, General Robert E. Lee fails to introduce him to a visiting British liaison who is observing the Confederates at Gettysburg.  The reason?

"A vague suspicion at the time came into my mind that it might be on account of my disreputable pants with my naked knee showing..."

Well, old Alexander, I can assure you it was on account of your disreputable pants.