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Sunday, October 27, 2013

The Ever Unfolding Adventures of Detective Peppers Johnson

By now the rain was coming down, not heavily, but in fine, articulated lines.  The smell of wet leaves and wasted creams could not be avoided.

In the living room with our cast of characters, Detective Peppers Johnson took note of the apprehended homeless man and looked at the lead officer.

“Officer Barryless – who is that man?”

“He jumped into the private patio space back there. As you may have noticed when you conducted your inspection, you can't see it from here from the living room, but the patio has a table which was filled with plates of dessert, plates of cream.  We found him with cream all over himself.”

“Yes, it's very convenient that a wall blocks the view of the table on the patio. And in regards tot his man who was found with cream all over himself, as it is not normal for an arrested man to be seated, and with the added fact that he is very pale and in a cold sweat, and his right leg is extended in a rather awkward position, I gather he quite hurt his leg in the jump?”

“Yes.”

“And to the dwellers of this fine home, what happened?”

The wife, Sasha, seemed too much in shock to say anything, but the husband, Mitch, spoke.

“This man over here attacked me while I was in the patio. He attacked me and then took our cream from our souffl√©!”

“I see,” Detective Peppers Johnson said.

“The EMTs are on the way,” started Officer Barryless.   “Seems like a pretty cut-and-dry case of cream theft.”

Detective Peppers Johnson stroked his whiskers.  There was never a cut-and-dry case of cream theft.

“Mr. Gordon,” started Detective Peppers Johnson.  “Where were your guests when this attack occurred?"

"They were inside the house."

"And why would everyone be in the house while perfectly good and rich chocolate souffle topped with cream sat outside in the patio?"

Hesitation.

“Well, I had just asked the guests to come in for a moment.  I had wanted to speak to them. Then I heard a noise so I came back out to investigate by myself”

“I see, I see.  And what was it you wanted to say to your guests that required them to abandon their creams?”

“Well, I really didn’t have a chance to say anything, because I heard someone outside, stepped out, and that’s when I noticed cream was missing and I was attacked!”

“That wasn’t my question, Mr. Gordon.  I asked what you wanted to say to your wife and guests which required them to abandon a dessert topped with very fresh whipped cream.”

Silence.

At this point in the proceedings, Detective Peppers Johnson approached the homeless man.  He stopped not far from the man, and then, all of a sudden, lunged forward and cried out in a piercing yelp, as if he were going to attack.  The homeless man instantly covered his leg and turned even whiter than he already was, if that were even possible. Detective Peppers Johnson seemed satisfied and smiled.

“Mr. Gordon.  There is no question this man entered your property by jumping over the wall into your patio.  There’s also no question he severely broke his leg, and there was no chance he would have been in any condition to attack anyone, including you, or anything, including your cream.”

The officers and guests stood in awe.  The poor Mrs. Gordon sank further into shock and grief.

"It is quite clear you made prior arrangements with this man with the now broken leg to stage a cream robbery, offering to share the bounty of the creams.  Things didn't go according to plan, and when he broke his leg and made a commotion, you quickly ran outside to scarf down whatever cream you could. You then smeared some of the cream on him to make him appear like a cream deviant."

Mr. Gordon was so surprised, so flabbergasted by the Detective’s amazing deduction, he had not even the motivation to resist or offer up a protest.

"Officer Berryless! Arrest Mr. Gordon on charges of cream theft and cream conspiracy!”

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Gordon," Detective Peppers Johnson said as Mr. Gordon was being handcuffed, "but your husband all along had the intention of depriving you and your esteemed guests of their rightful creams.”

Finally Mrs. Gordon started to cry, which is what she needed.  Her friends consoled her.

Detective Simon Meractor now turned to the homeless man.

“I suppose that leaves just one thing unanswered, my dear boy.  That wall is not so very high or tricky, but you managed to hurt yourself quite badly.  I am of the suspicion that you intentionally jumped in such a way as to bring harm to yourself. Why would you do that? But we can discuss that on the way to the hospital.  The EMTs are here.  Let us go.”

To be continued…