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Sunday, August 25, 2013

The Annals of Fried Chicken

I went.  Now, for better or worse, I am different.  Or am I?

To give the short story: I went to Blue Ribbon Fried Chicken and ordered a thigh and a breast.  I took these pieces of meat to a park and sat down, and I ate them.  First the thigh.  It had a reasonably good crust and was reasonably somewhat a little sometimes flavorful.  There were certain portions of the meat that had a decent amount of salt, but overall it was not a well-salted poultry.  Then the breast.  It was even less seasoned than the thigh, and overall not extremely flavorful.  It wasn't a terrible fried chicken experience, but it wasn't a strongly good one.  It was a fine one.  Perhaps slightly better than fine.

But then I began to obsess over this, and I decided I needed to do a taste test, so I ordered 50 thighs, breasts and wings.  Then I went to various other fried chicken establishments like Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Dutch, Bobwhite Counter and Popeye's.  I did various analyses, some blind, some double blind, some triple blind, and I used different judges with different backgrounds and preferences, and then I repeated the test at different times of the day to account for sub-par batches, etc.  I will be publishing a tome later this year to lay out in as much detail as possible the variations and reactions and my theories for why Judge One liked a particular fried chicken more than Judge Three but less than Judge Seven, although 4 hours later Judge Six liked a particular fried chicken equal to or greater than Judge Twenty-Three.  The short answer can be summed in the following equation: Xh^7 + 2(3) * 24 = pG - G(23 + 2).

So yes, I have yet another fried chicken experience under my belt.  But the quest for the fried chicken which will fill my soul continues.*

*Actually, I had the fried chicken which filled my soul in Louisiana last year, but if I were to admit I fulfilled my life's work, then there would be nothing else to do or nothing else to write about in these chronicles, so I act as if my quest is incomplete for the sake of show.  Most things in life are like this, anyway.