Yes, hi. I am sad to report that I am still being held captive for reasons I am unsure of (there's a picture of me above - as you can see, the stress has added years to my face).
I've been made to wear a pair of ridiculous "britches," and my tormentors are feeding me nothing but apples. Sometimes, they start asking me questions about the apples...
- Do you like apples? - Do you think apples can talk? - If so, what do they say? - How do you know this?
Anyway, things are very bad right now and no one has come to rescue me. I'm not sure where I am, but I think it's somewhere on the planet Earth, so if you're in the neighborhood, please come and help me.