Things are not going well. Things are so bad, in fact, that I've turned into a cartoon (pictured above).
Anyway, my captors are really messing with me and started feeding me pears instead of apples. They ask me questions like...
1) Is that pear green or brown or both? 2) If it is both, how is that possible? 3) How do you know that what you see as 'green' is the same thing I see as 'green?' 4) If you could have a big house in the country or a nice but not huge apartment in the city, which would you pick?
So yeah, as you can see, things are pretty bad. I was, however, able to discern that I am somewhere in the western hemisphere, so maybe that will help narrow down all of your searches for me.