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Friday, May 30, 2008

Snuggles Now Practicing Medicine

Snuggles, MD

I have some exciting news: Snuggles just finished his fellowship and is now a Board Certified specialist in coziness, a sub-specialty of internal medicine. He just opened up a practice on Park Avenue and is swamped with new patients.

I 'shadowed' him yesterday and was amazed at his compassion, intelligence, and clinical acumen.

One exchange went as followed:

"Well, Doctor Snuggles, I've been feeling very uncomfortable lately. I just can't get cozy in my bed, and I never had a problem!"
"I see. Have you been using a different fabric softener?"
"No."
"New blankets?"
"No."
"Have you been fluffing your pillows?"
"Well...hm...no, I guess I haven't."
"I see! Very interesting. Well, I think I can safely diagnose you with hypopillows. I will write you a prescription for some better pillows, and please fluff the pillows as indicated."
"Oh! Thank you, Doctor!"

Later, a very sick-looking patient came in and almost collapsed. Doctor Snuggles checked the vitals and decided to call an ambulance. "I need a CRI (cozy resonance imaging) stat!" he said. Fortunately, the patient turned out to be all right. Doctor Snuggles explained: "I was worried this was a case of cozycarcinoma, but the CRI showed no evidence of any malignancy. I think we can attribute this patient's problems to lifestyle issues such as not taking at least 7 naps a day, and also not having proper pajamas."

Yes, all in a day's work for Doctor Snuggles.