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Saturday, October 13, 2007

Plato & Pants

I am under no illusions. While I may be the foremost pants expert in the world, even I make pant mistakes. Why, just yesterday I was wearing a pair of pants that were too short. To confirm, I asked a co-worker in the cubicle next to mine, and she, indeed, corroborated what I suspected.

I have a couple of pictures of these pants. Unfortunately, none completely represent the rather short nature of the pant. There are some subtle clues, but still, in these pictures they don't look ridiculous. Now true, they weren't completely, absurdly short (see below for an example of that), but they were definitely short.

In this picture, my left leg at the break gives away the short nature of the pants, although it's not explicit

Looking down you can somewhat tell the pants are too short

An important point is raised here: the allusive nature of pant appearance. Sometimes, a pair of pants will look decent from one angle or another, but absolutely horrible from another angle. The question becomes, how many angles are necessary for the pants to be considered acceptable? The obvious answer is, ALL of them. A truly good pair of pants must look good at all angles. Yet we can go deeper and ask, if a pant looks good from one angle but not another, which is the true, accurate angle? Or are all angles an illusion? Is there such a thing as a good pant in reality, or only in appearance?

In a related note, some of my academic pant research has focused on merging Plato's Theory of Ideas with pants. According to Plato, every object we experience, for example a cat, is actually a copy of an Ideal Cat. So, in other words, all cats we experience in our everyday lives are imperfect copies. Is this the case with pants? Is there an Ideal Pant, of which all pants in our sensory experience are only imitations? I'm working on the answer to this question...

If Plato's theory holds true for pants, then I think we can safely say one of the worst copies belongs to my friend and roommate, who I will not name. This particular pair of pants is SO short and SO wide as to border on being an immorally egregious act against humanity. I have showcased these pants before, but I feel it is necessary to show them once more. "Never forget."


(15 minutes later, after vomiting and then regaining composure)

Please, for the love of everything good, don't wear pants like the ones above. Western civilization is at stake. Please. Please!