"The finest food and pants blog on the web."

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Food Adventures with the League of Shadows

When I realized I was obsessed with good ethnic food, I did what most troubled young men do: I traveled to a nondescript Asian land and lived amongst the poor, scrounging for the local fare.  I eventually landed myself in prison, where I went about my days getting into eating contests.  During one such contest I ate more Mongol stew than 7 men combined, and I was considered such a threat that the authorities placed me in solitary confinement.  Such is prison life.

While in my confinement, while in the darkest recesses of my soul, with only Hamburger Helper to eat, I heard a voice.

"Are you so desperate to eat excellent ethnic food that you would get yourself locked in prison so you can out-eat one man at a time?"

"Actually, there were 7 of them," I said.

"I counted 6."

"Who are you?"

"My name is merely Liam Neeson, but I speak for Ras al Ghul, a man greatly feared by the eaters of the world.  He can offer you a path."

"What makes you think I need a path," I retorted with, I admit, a bit of pestilence. 

"Someone like you is exploring the ethnic eats of Asia, but ends up in prison having eating contests.  You are lost."

"And what path do you offer?"

"The path of truly exquisite eating.  The path of the League of Shadows."

"Ha!  The League of Shadows?  They're a bunch of foodies who eat at Chile's and think they're enjoying true Tex-Mex." 

"No no no.  A foodie is someone who whimsically forms his identity by going to the latest bistro or attending a cupcake crawl.  But if you become more than a foodie, if you devote yourself to an ideal, then you become something else entirely."

"What?"

"A gourmand. Tomorrow you will be released.  If you want to find what true ethnic deliciousness is, then pick one of the purple flowers found at the base of the mountain.  If you can carry it to the top, you may find what you are looking for."

And with that Liam Neeson walked away.

To be continued...