"The finest food and pants blog on the web."

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Tender Adventures

Oh jesus it was snowing.  It was nearly white-out conditions, and the roads of the Bronx were deadly.  I was walking to my favorite chicken tender parlour - it's called Popeye's - when I heard loud, squeaky noises. I ran in the direction of the squeaky noises to find a family of tender little white rabbits lost in the snow!  They were running about in the cold, confused and not able to see what was going on, their white fuzziness blending in with the white snow.  "I'm here to help!" I shouted, and I immediately got to work grouping them back together and placing them in a nearby hut.  "Don't you worry you tender friends; I will save you!"  It was dangerous work, but soon I had made sure every fuzzy little friend was safely inside the warm hut.  The wise grandpa rabbit thanked me.  "We can see you're a brave man, but even a brave man needs a tender friend.  I would like to offer you the companionship of Sebastian, a brave rabbit who will make a trusty sidekick!"  I was touched, but hesitant.  "Kind Fuzzy, thank you, but I don't want to take Sebastian away from his family."  "Nonsense," replied Grandpa Fuzzy.  "It is part of our upbringing that young rabbits go off for adventures so they may learn the ways of the world.  It is that time for Sebastian here, and we'll feel better knowing Sebastian is with a noble being like yourself!"  I looked Sebastian in the eyes and could tell he would be a true and loyal friend.  "Very well, then!  Let's go, Sebastian!"  As we departed, the snow falling down in thick sheets, we started to lose sight of the rabbit family.  Grandpa Fuzzy shouted something out, but we couldn't quite hear it.  "Where are we going?" Sebastian asked. I smiled: "Well, my tender friend, have you ever heard of Popeye's?"

To be continued...