I was sent to this world to save mankind from itself. You see we live in a world in which some look down on others for eating fried chicken they feel to be inferior. For instance, some freak advertising executive who lives in SoHo and thinks only The Dutch has great fried chicken while Popeye's is a terrible place for the masses. What right does this bastard have to judge the fried chicken of others? All fried chicken should be cherished, and I will do everything in my power to fight for truth, justice, and the fried chicken way. I am Fried Chicken Man.
A peaceful Sunday afternoon, or so it seems. Children are playing; the men are taking naps; and the women are baking pies. The scent of their pies wafts through the city streets. All seems right with the world. But it only seems, for a grave injustice is occurring. A group of neighborhood boys have cornered little Timmy, who prefers Popeye's Fried Chicken to KFC. The neighborhood gang chastises little Timmy because of this.
"You fool," says the leader. "KFC is so much better than Popeye's. Eat KFC like us or we'll beat you up!"
Little Timmy is afraid. He doesn't want to give up the fried chicken he loves, but he doesn't want to get beat up.
"Make up your mind now," says the leader, "or you're in real trouble!"
Little Timmy doesn't know what to do; the leader is about to throw a punch when all of a sudden a chubby fellow wearing a cape dashes onto the scene.
"Leave him alone!" says the chubby man.
"Who are you?" says the leader.
"I'm Fried Chicken Man!"
I don't want to write this anymore, but I had Popeye's last week, both the original and spicy versions. A respectable enough fried chicken, but I still crave more fried chicken.