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Friday, May 23, 2014

Jesus Rain

The burnings are still all over me; I feel the acid waters seeping into my membranes.  In a dream Jesus came to me and said "Man!" and I said "Jesus!" and Jesus said "You will be out on the prowl for rice rolls and a terrible rain will come and acid burn you" and I said "I don't want to be acid burned!" and Jesus said "Too bad!"

And so I was on the prowl for rice rolls, those delicate little bastards, those fresh tasties.  Rice flour is mixed with some water and a little salt and lightly steamed, the end result a subtle, supple bastard.  You can pour soy sauces on them or other sauces.

I was at Mah Wah, the famed tea parlor in Chinatown, eating some fried rice rolls.  I sat immersed in my rolls, and an emergency broadcast weather event beeping was heard.  What could possibly be happening, I thought.  I turned to look outside: a torrential downpour was torentially downpouring.  Jesus, I thought!  It was true!

After eating my bastard rice rolls, I stood under Mah Wah's canopy for a few moments.  It's just rain, I thought.  My dream was just a dream.  I ran into the night's rain and screamed in horror.  The wetness burned me like a thousand vinegar fires.  My very DNA seemed aflame.  I fell to the pavement and writhed in agony.  "The burning Jesus rain!" I screamed, rolling, rubbing myself to extinguish the scorching liquid.

It was evident only I could feel the Jesus rain, but why?  Why me?  This is the question that haunts us all.