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Friday, April 25, 2014

Adventures in Mallomars

As mentioned in these chronicles, two days ago, the day of Wednesday, also known as April 23 2014, I picked up a pair of pants that had been altered to my exact specifications of a 32 and 3/4 inseam, and then I headed to Bouchon Bakery to probe the Mallomar situation, which has been a dire and hollow situation indeed, as readers of these tales well know.  What I failed to mention, dear friends, is that not only did I pick up a pair of pants on Wednesday, I also purchased another pair and left them to be altered.  Now, today, April 25 2014, I returned to pick up my second pair of altered pants.  I feel obliged to discuss pants for a moment.  As of late my pants have felt horrifically tight, and I finally decided I must buy new, larger pants.  That I did.  The problem is now the larger pants seem a little too loose.  Too tight or too loose but never just right.  Anyhow, to return to the Mallomar at hand, of course, being near Bouchon, I went once more to decipher the situation.  As I approached Bouchon I gazed at the pastry trays and realized no Mallomars were present.  I got in line.  It was my turn. I said: "Yes, old boy, do you have any Mallomars?"  The bakery associate said: "Oh, no, no we do not."  I continued: "Did you have any today?"  He went on:  "No, not today.  In fact, I haven't seen them in a while.  Ha ha.  I don't know what's going on with those things! Ha ha"  Me:  "Ha ha."  I then immediately snapped the baker associate's neck.  I asked another associate if I might have a treat which was dark chocolate cakes mounted together with a white cream.  I then sat outside and enjoyed the cool spring air and the budding flowers.  The treat had been entitled "TKO."  I pondered.  I then surmised "TKO" must stand for Thomas Keller Oreo, for Thomas Keller owns Bouchon and the treat I consumed was nothing if not a giant Oreo cookie.  It was fine enough, but no Mallomar. Nothing is. Except a Mallomar. A Mallomar is a Mallomar.