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Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Peanut Buster Files

The Peanut Buster Parfait is a delicious treat at Dairy Queen composed of layers of delicate vanilla soft serve and decadent hot fudge and roasted peanuts.  Welcome back to the continuing saga...

On a mild February day I found it necessary to stop at Shake Shack for a dessert.  I waited in line for what seemed like hours until I was the next customer. All that stood in my way was an elderly  woman who took her time ordering, asking question after question.  My patience wore thin and so I had no choice but to slap the old lady and demand she get out of the way.

"Move it you old hag!" I screamed.

"I'll have your vanilla custard, and please mix in hot fudge and salted peanuts!" I screamed.

I had full intention of discovering if Shake Shack could rival the Peanut Buster Parfait.  It couldn't.  The custard at Shake Shack is arguably better than DQ's soft serve, but the fudge and peanuts were mixed together into a cacophony of cream and fudge, a la Blizzard-style. A cacophony of cream and browness is not a terrible thing, but this amalgamated Shake Shack concoction just couldn't match the separated layers of cream and fudge and peanuts of the DQ Pean. I need the layers for Jesus's sake! Sometimes it is best for things to be combined, but sometimes it's best for them to remain separate.

"God damn it this was good but I still prefer the DQ Pean!" I screamed as I kicked the old woman, who had fallen to the ground traumatized after her slapping.  I don't think she ever recovered from the assault.