I. I Take It Upon Myself To Make My Own Tomato Sauce; Or, The Dark Side Of The Sauce.
To make a fine homemade eggplant parmesan and truly call it your own, you must make your own homemade tomato sauce. To use a bottled sauce and claim such an honor is not only wrong, it's sick. I will not deny that one can make a perfectly tasty eggplant parmesan using a store bought sauce; however, I will deny that you can do such a thing, claim the parmesan as homemade, and retain your dignity.
Sunday, December 18, 2011, I ventured to make such a homemade tomato sauce. I decided to consult my old friend Mario Batali. Mister Batali operates a number of Italian restaurants, and I've had the pleasure of eating his pasta in a few of these establishments. I also enjoy his bottled sauce. I therefore felt like he was a good man from whom to learn the Ways of the Sauce.
Mister Batali had a simple recipe requiring some olive oil, onions, garlic, carrot, thyme, and canned, whole tomatoes. The recipe said to simply put the tomatoes and juices into the pot and simmer. I took it upon myself to break up the tomatoes a bit, and one of the little bastards squirted juice all over my shirt. I then placed this son-of-a-bitch into the bubbly cauldron, thinking revenge is sweet as I watched him burn in a saucy hell.
About an hour later the sauce was ready. Either I'm incompetent or Mister Batali is not the Master of Sauce I assumed, for the sauce came out a chunky, watery disappointment. As I am clearly not incompetent, Mister Batali is simply not what he seems. You cannot judge a book by its cover, nor a chef by his orange clogs.
The quest to make an excellent homemade eggplant parmesan by first making an excellent homemade sauce has reached a roadblock. Tune in next time, when our hero -- myself -- tries a different recipe for sauce. And may god have mercy on that juicy tomatoes' soul.