I was sitting outside eating my lunch and this bird, the one pictured above, the one that looks a fiery hell devil, jumped on my leg. I was very surprised and was like, you know what bird, go away. [begin fictitious portion of story] But then the bird jumped on my face and I screamed and yelled and started crying and people were laughing at me. And so I started cutting my sandwich into bits and began throwing the pieces at everyone, and in my anger I slipped and fell down the stairs and fell onto the bird and squished him (or her) to death. Sorry, bird.