"The finest food and pants blog on the web."

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Where Would They Be Now?

Do you ever wonder what your favorite Civil War heroes would be up to if they were alive today? Also, how would they feel about all the choices we consumers are confronted with every day? Would Robert E. Lee prefer Target or Walmart? (Target). Would Colonel Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain frequent Kentucky Fried Chicken or Popeye's? (Popeye's).

Well, now you don't have to wonder. Thanks to some amazing new technology developed by the Russian government, we've been able to transport all your favorite gods and generals to the present day. President - uh, I mean, Prime Minister - Putin, a huge fan of this blog, gave us full access to interview all the subjects.

We will start our series with Nathan Bedford Forrest...



















General Forrest may be best remembered for his "role" in Forrest Gump, or possibly his involvement with the KKK, but the fact is, this man was a very capable general who was also a "badass."

Once, after a dispute with one of his officers, the junior officer pulled out a pistol and shot General Forrest, who then grabbed the man, pulled out a pen knife, and slit the offender's throat. Bedford Forrest, who survived his wound, later said, "No damned man tries to kill me and lives to tell about it." Indeed.

So...where is he now????












Location: Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Occupation:
Freelance graphic designer
Favorite Possession:
135 Twin Lens Reflex "Blackbird" camera
Favorite Food:
"Bean burritos...and red gummy bears - shit, I love those things."
The Meaning of Life:
"You know...I like deck accessory bags...parties in Bushwick, because Williamsburg is becoming so midtown."
iPhone or Blackberry: "Um, you know, iPhone."
Favorite Movie: "Anything by David Lynch - he is a god. Also, don't tell anyone, but I love Garden State."