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Monday, September 22, 2008

The Denim Chino: A Reason to End a Friendship

What is the 'denim chino?' Well, I'm glad you asked. The denim chino is a pant that is cut like a chino; however, denim is the fabric that is used, as opposed to a traditional cotton 'chino' material in different hues of khaki, gray, brown, green etc. The denim chino is basically a pair of Dockers that are made out of a denim material.

The denim chino, as worn by my 'friend'

Denim chinos are uniformly horrible and should NEVER be worn, even for a Halloween costume or as a joke. Common unpleasant attributes of denim chinos are pleats, an 80's Jordache light denim wash, an elastic waist band, and, in extreme circumstances, cuffs. All of these attributes taken together, in a pant that is cut like a trouser and is made out of denim, is basically just the worst pant disaster to befall modern man.

Note the Jordache wash, the elastic waistband and the subtle pleating -- sorry, but there is nothing subtle about this monstrosity

Anyway, yesterday I met up with a 'friend' who I haven't seen in about a year. This friend is a tad on the older side, in his 50s, but that does not excuse him. I was really excited to see him and as I approached I was about to hug him, but then I noticed -- noticed he was wearing denim chinos. I took a step back and he looked confused.

-What?
-Oh...my...GOD.
-What?
- (I couldn't even speak, I just looked at his pants)
- What? You don't like my pants?
- (I regained my composure after about 5 minutes and spoke) Look, I'm a pretty easy-going guy, I can put up with a lot, but this is intolerable. I'm sorry, I have to go.
- Wait! I haven't seen you in a year! I'm only in town for a couple of days!
- Goodbye, you damned, no good son-of-a-bitch.

Well, I'm still trying to get over yesterday's shock. I feel really confused and lost. It just goes to show you, no matter how well you think you know a person, you NEVER know. I feel disgusted that I was fooled by that man -- me, of all people!

Ah, denim chinos! Ah, humanity!