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Monday, April 28, 2008


In the coming weeks, as I lament the horrible state of my hair, I am going to be discussing bad haircuts and how they can basically ruin your life. This is going to sound perhaps a bit dramatic, but having a bad haircut just ruins your life and makes even food and pants meaningless. While this blog has perhaps implied that food and pants are foundational to human happiness, I am hereby proclaiming that, in fact, having an acceptable haircut is even more basic to joy than food or pants.

Anyway, as of now, my hair is relatively even, just very short. I have a rather funny looking face and my ears are pretty large, so short hair is just not good. Plus, my complexion just does not work with short hair. But I had to shorten my hair because of a tragic accident that occurred last week while trying to even out my hair on back left-hand side.

Let me just say, the area around the ears on the sides and also the back is absolutely crucial. I have provided some illustrations of a man, let's call him Richard Hello, from the back.

The left is good: even and full, follows the hairline. The middle is bad: the right side is fine, but the left side has been hacked and the integrity of the hairline has been completely compromised. The right: yikes.

Anyway, whenever I'm walking around or on the subway or whatever, I always pay attention to the hair of other men and how the area around the ears and in the back is cut. I've seen some pretty horrible disasters. Just yesterday I noticed someone whose hair looked like this...

Anyway, as you can see, there is a diagonal line going from the right ear down to the lower left quadrant. I seriously don't know how this guys lives with himself.