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Saturday, February 1, 2014

An Adventure to Remember

By profession I'm a clerk in a prestigious law firm, Rosario and Associates.  You may have seen our signs on city buses and subways.  There is no fee unless we get money for you.  Many interesting and prestigious clients visit daily, people who have suffered greatly due to the negligence of others, and there is much paperwork to be done, which is where I come in.  As you can imagine, it's quite exciting being part of such an organization.  But as exciting as it is, in truth I lead an alternate existence.  I may be a clerk by trade, but in reality I'm a man of adventure.

Just the other day I had a hankering for some Popeye's chicken strips, which is not uncommon for me.  Once the lunch hour rolled around, even though I am always loathe to leave work, I knew I had to journey for chicken.  A client had left behind a burgundy sash in the waiting area, so I created a diversion by exclaiming "look over there!" to the room full of clients waiting to be seen, and I cleverly stuffed the sash into my brief case as they looked away.  "Oh my, I thought for sure I saw a parrot flying around outside, but I must have been mistaken!"  I said. A little boy called out, "wait, what happened to that scarf that was sitting over there!"  I cautiously walked backwards to the exit.  "How odd!" I muttered while I quickly opened the door and vanished (although initially I was pushing rather than pulling, so my escape was not quite as graceful as I had hoped).

Once I was safely outside, while no one was looking, I covered myself in the burgundy sash and proceeded speedily but carefully to Popeye's.  The ordering agent looked confused, but kindly asked what I wanted.  "I will hab da chiking streep mil wid pot and gravy" I said, taking great pains to disguise my voice.  Eventually I needed to point to what I wanted because the agent couldn't understand me, but in the end I had my chicken strip meal and I went undetected.  After paying with my credit card  I sat outside and ate the crispy, salty strips and dunked them into the rich, flavorful gravy.  Aha!

I remained "in costume" until I approached work, and then took off the sash and returned to my office, excited to get back to work and thrilled with my lunchtime adventure.  Later that night, to reward myself for my cunning feet, I treated myself to a chocolate milkshake at McDonald's.  The ordering agent, an attractive woman named Hilda, was quite taken with me, and we're going to dinner next week at KFC.

The end.