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Sunday, January 26, 2014

Trader Joe'sland

Charter for Trader Joe'sland

Trader Joe'sland will reside in a place where there are all four seasons. The winter will feature temperatures always in the low 30s, with no wind, and there will always be gently falling snow. The spring will come and be luscious, and everything will turn green and colorful and the temperatures will be in the 60s. When it rains, it will not last for long, or, if it does, all will be excused from work (more on work later). When it's summer it will be in the high 70s or low 80s, and the days will be very long. Now it's time for fall. The air will turn crisp, the leaves will be more vibrant than you can imagine. Then back to winter.

The town center will be a large, well-stocked Trader Joe's, and everyone will work at this Trader Joe's. Everyone will work 30 hour weeks at Trader Joe's. As mentioned in the preceding graph of this charter, during the rains, work will cease. But even if it is not raining and the people are working, it won't really be "work" anyway because everyone will enjoy their time contributing to Trader Joe's.

There will be pizza shops and movie theaters and bookstores, and these will function through the volunteerism of the townspeople. All proceeds will go towards town beautification and funding the creation of excellent television series.

When not "working" at Trader Joe's, people exercise, go on walks or bike rides, volunteer at shops, or watch excellent television series in the comfort of their homes. Everyone will live in nice but humble, moderate apartments.

Everyone will be in good health and everyone will live into their 80s, and when the time comes to pass away, everyone will look back on his or her life with a smile and will know, in the end, darkness is right. But just one more dunker, before I go.