"The finest food and pants blog on the web."

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Chronicles of Creams

I am not sure what happened to me in the womb, or what sort of incident I had with cows in a former life, but I have an inordinate love of cream. If you have read these chronicles for the past few years, you surely know that I am a man who enjoys the creams of Dairy Queen, as any sane man should. The soft serve they whip up is an enticing vehicle for all manner of treats: sundaes, Blizzards, and, of course, the fabled Peanut Buster Parfait.

For the past several months I have been venturing to Staten Island to partake in the parfaits of Dairy Queen at their only New York City location. Soon, there will be a Dairy Queen in Manhattan; however, I must say, I’ve grown quite fond of my expeditions to Staten Island via boat, and will likely continue my voyages from time-to-time.

Now consider this: there is new a Wisconsin-style custard shop in the West Village serving up the rich style of custard prominent in – Wisconsin and other Midwest regions. The custard in the rich, fertile areas of the middle of the country is decadent and well-suited to the generously proportioned individuals who inhabit the center of this great land of ours, a land in which we don’t give a shit if people don’t have access to healthcare, or in which if government creates programs to help people who, through no fault of their own, need various forms of assistance, then a serious attack on freedom has been made.

Back to this new custard shop: it’s called 5 Oz. and, according to various blogs, it serves custard rivaling that of Shake Shack. I did my duty recently and ventured to 5 Oz. Once there, I ordered vanilla custard with chocolate syrup and salted peanuts.

But wait: doesn’t that sound much like a Peanut Buster Parfait from Dairy Queen? Well, it sure does, except the Peanut Buster Parfait has hot fudge, as opposed to chocolate syrup.

Does that make a big difference: yes. The hot fudge of the Buster enjoys a serious advantage over a simple chocolate syrup. This isn’t to say my treat at 5 Oz. wasn’t good – it was actually a delightful treat, and the custard was rich and blasphemous. The syrup was delicately drizzled over the custard in a grid pattern, and the salted peanuts did their job nicely.

5oz. is a worthy custard shop, and there are many artisanal toppings to choose from. It may be possible, with further investigations, to create a delightful treat which is unique to 5oz. These investigations, dear reader, you can trust will be performed and reported in these chronicles.